really need to vent throught the tears

You know....it seems like everyone always says things like that no one wants to hear my problems because they have problems of their own! I tell you that this is where I can vent. I have to have somewhere. This is the worst day ever. I am already worried about money. I am worried about my son who is in boy's prison because he wouldn't listen. My husband has schizophrenia and is paranoid every other day. I woke up at 2:30 p.m. today. I was sick like usual. I have been wondering what in the world is going on with me. I haven't been able to work and this only makes things worse financially. My husband's social security is just not enough. I have worked 2-3 jobs forever. I am tired. I have realized that all of my health problems are related to the dumb ass doctor who took me off hormone replacement after my hysterectomy. I am experiencing menopausal symptoms. I swear of it. Man, I am going to go on and on with this post, I know. Let me tell you about my daughter. She knows that my husband is paranoid. She will say things in front of him about how I have other men. I don't! That's the last of my concerns. I am bi-polar myself...high functioning but never the less I am bi-polar. I have one child with bi-polar, one with schizophrenia and the one at boy's school is a sociopath! Having other men is the last of my concerns. She knows this will get him going. The other day I decide to snoop through her myspace and read some messages which sure sound like her 13 year old butt is having sex! I don't know where or how because she goes nowhere. All hell breaks lose with me and her. Now, she's twice as disrespectful. I am on the phone today to find a new doctor for myself and she's mocking me and everything I say. She's on the other line talking to her friend about how stupid I am...blah, blah, blah. I can't even finish my call. I get off the phone and proceed to beating the daylights out of her. I mean I never,ever spank her but I temporarily lost my mind! She is calling me names. I got her dropped off to her biological dad's family (who is no help) and am just hysterical. Her dad was abusive to me....check out my blog about abused women. That's him I am writing about. I call my mom for support. Do you know what that woman told me? This is the woman who was abusive to me! I have tried my best to never ever be physical with my children for that reason but damn, I can't have my own child treating me this way! She told me that I should never have lost control. She tells me that since the Bible says that race mixing is wrong and I went against the bible that this is my punishment with my kids! She had the audacity to part her lips and speak from an ignorant, non-educated mind and say that stupid shit. Yes, I am cussing but hey, this is my domain. I am venting! I am very upset! Then, I take my cell phone which I cherish and put it on my charger on the kitchen counter. I am looking everywhere for the thing. Understand, I have had it for almost a year with Sprint! I have never had one. I have done a wonderful job keeping up with it and the bill! I am calling it. I just know I have lost my mind because what could I have done with it. It had fallen upside down in my frydaddy full of oil hanging from the damn charger. It is saturated! By the good grace of God after cleaning it up, everything but the ringer works! I have 60 days to notify my insurance company and pay a $50 deductible but they don't cover water damage! I guess this includes oil...lol. I have to laugh....I have cried all day. I guess I will have to tell them it was stolen. I don't care. For now, it vibrates. All I can do is write. You know, my mom put me through that racist crap when I was 13 until I grew up. I haven't heard those words since I was young. I can't believe she considers my kids some sort of mongrel debomination. I had to hang up....I was going to say something I would regret. Thanks for all of the comments. I do use angelfood ministries.... thanks for thinking of me. You have no idea how important it is to me to have this blog to vent to. I swear I better not hear one more person tell me to roll with the punches....not today! I am going to pull a Scarlet O-Hara and lay down for a nap.......

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