New opportunity

My father-in-law gave me an application for GM in Ohio to fill out this weekend. It was perfect timing. I am really scared about the possibility of moving. I am a person who is very scared of change. I usually try to keep the status quo. Plus, I was on the verge of getting into school. Well, after I raise $140 for a GRE and then petition the department for probationary admission. I guess if this works out then I will have a better quality of life plus I will have an opportunity to take classes part-time. I have decided not to get rid of my home in Indiana. I have arranged to have my uncle-in-law hold it down for me. I don't know. If they call I will go but I am scared. I am so scared of people. They have never treated me right. I am a loner and very anti-social. I was made that way over the years by mistreatment.

Thursday

I have taught three days in a row...I am still feeling really bad but I am pushing through it. It's hard because I have always been the type of person that can hold down 2-3 jobs and still have energy to go around. I can't maintain that type of energy anymore. This body pain is chronic. I have lab slips for blood work but have been unable for one reason or another to make it. Gas is rough. It seems like we don't go anywhere unless we are already going out or headed that way. I have an SUV and it costs $75 to fill up! What was I thinking?

Life

Things are going alright. I am still having a lot of health problems. I am tired all of the time. My husband has been less paranoid so I have been able to go back to substitute teaching. He also has learned that if I don't work then things don't go so well. My daughter? Well, she won't listen and thinks she knows everything. I have decided to let her realize she doesn't, to make some mistakes and suffer some consequences. That's all I can do!

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Wore Out

Well, my daughter is back home. I would love to say that things are wonderful but they're not. It is 4:10 in the morning. I haven't slept because my husband is on one of his tangents. Yes, he is paranoid and being very mean. Sometimes I just feel like my heart is going to explode. I just feel like running away sometimes. I feel like I am not SuperWoman anymore. I am sickly and tired. I am fighting to get back into graduate school because my GPA was so bad when I quit back in 2000. I am just wore out.

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