Working Out Constantly

I am exhausted. My husband and I have been working out everyday. We either walk or weight train. I am trying very hard to regain my girly figure. I think maybe it will make me feel better about myself. I am disgusted with family and don't even think I will go to another reunion this summer.

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Why Don't People Like Me?

I don't understand because I am so nice to people. People hate me everywhere I go. I promise that I am not being paranoid. That's why I can't even work anymore. I am supposed to go to this social anxiety group on Tuesday evenings but I am too stressed about going to even go!!!!!

Husband Refuses to Quit

My husband refuses to quit smoking. Believe me, it will be the death of him! Went to his family reunion yesterday...lots of fun. His family barely spoke to me. His mother didn't say not even one word to me. It was awkward. I am disliking people more everyday. I hide in my house most days. My eight year old cried all day yesterday because he said no one liked him or wanted to play with him. I could relate because that's how I feel most days. The social anxiety gets worse everyday. To make it worse...my weight has me very depressed.

I feel destroyed

My husband is saying that I had someone in the house and they stole his cigerettes. I didn't even have anyone in the house. I tried lying and saying I took them but he didn't believe me. He says he isn't paying any bills in August. He won't even let us to the movie at the park tonight. I can't stop crying. I am exhausted, depressed and sometimes I don't feel like living...seriously.

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My dislike for people

I don't know why it seems like I can't get along with people. My doctor was just talking crazy to me today. I went in today because my feet hurt like crazy. This Diabetes is really hard on my body. She accused me of following up on my treatment and care. I haven't missed one appointment. My baby had one last week and after waiting in the waiting room for two hours...I decided to reschedule it. Then my son's parole officer was on a power trip today. I close my door when I get home and shut the world out. I hide under my covers!

I need a cow and some chickens

I should go buy some livestock! Can you imagine that! I live in a very urban area....trust me, I have the sirens to prove it. If it weren't for my crazy mutt...my house would be broken into like the rest. God forgive me....sometimes, I can't stand my teenagers!

Wow...the stress

Because we don't have very much money....I circle every week any free activities to do with the family. Understand...I am always thinking of others and not myself. I took the family to the park on Friday night. They have free outside movies. They played Shrek III. The two older one's did nothing but complain. It was the most unenjoyable experience I have ever had. Then yesterday, my husband and I went to move some furniture for his aunt...for a fee. Our teenage son wouldn't help....our daughter wouldn't babysit. It was awful. Today we spent 2 1/2 hours cleaning a friend's van for a fee. Because I got that back payment from SS for the kids....now I don't get food stamps in August. All that money went out on two month's worth of bills! Thank God for my garden. I took my food stamps in May and bought plants and seeds. I have quite the garden. It's a good thing because we are going to be vegetarians in August!!!! I will put the pictures of my garden on here....check them out!

Spoke too soon

Everything has been topsy-turvy today. My son and daughter were acting out. They are both jealous of my two younger kids. They aren't wanting to do chores or babysit. My husband and I have to take the two little ones everywhere for fear that the older ones will hurt them. My daughter has cried all day today. It has been stressful. I sent out 10 invitations for my Stanley Home party which was today and no one showed up. I can't stand people....I swear. I am so ready to be a hermit and a total recluse.

Peace

Things are actually going better. My son is out of boy's school. So far, so good. My daughter has straightened up a bit. Both my son who just was released and my eight year old son have been given SSI. We received some nice back payments so I was able to catch some bills up and get the kids ready for school. My eight year old son has schizophrenia like his dad. My husband has been a little less paranoid. My mom has been less whacko. All is good in the hood for now.

Born Bad?

In my years of parenting, it seems that if you are prone to have a child who is "bad" that there is nothing you can do. I have a son who has been in and out of one correctional facility or another since he was seven. My husband and I have gotten him every kind of help there is out there. We have read books,gone to parenting classes and sat in on what seems like hundreds of counseling sessions. Nothing has worked. The more we have tried, the worse it gets. The psychiatrist took him off of all medications because he says it is a personality disorder. He is innately evil. I know it is bad to say about my own child. It is true. The experts even say so. He gets out of boy's school "prison" Monday after doing a year. He is fifteen years old. Does something go wrong in the womb? He is not the only child that I have seen this way. I have seen plenty of kids that are "bad" from day 1 from dealing with these institutions which my son has been in. I would love to hear from others about it.

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New Social Networks

I have two social networks of my own which I would like to invite my readers to. They are unperfectparents.ning.com and belsspace.ning.com
I would love to see you there!

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One obstacle after another

It has been one obstacle after another....seriously! I have been waiting for my stimulus payment forever....found out it was intercepted for child support I owe on my 21 year old son....one of these days I will tell my readers about that whole situation. I also have money coming from Social Security but they sent it to an address I was at 5 years ago! I tried to contact the old apartment complex but they were no help! Meanwhile....all bills are behind! My grandfather who is 92 has been in the hospital for a week. He is very bad off. That has been very hard on me. My 15-year old son gets out of boy's school in a week. I really hope he is better when he gets home. I am going to lay down....gotta migraine and an upset stomach. I am waiting on this money so I can pay to take the GRE again....another $140 to get into school.....about to give up!

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